Deliberations
This post might scare some people, but I have always made it my goal to be completely honest at all times (I'm not saying I acheive it, I'm just saying it's a goal).
Here's the deal. I have been a Christian my whole life, and not just a churchgoing Christian. I threw myself at Christianity and a relationship with God like I threw myself into a dancing career, except ten times more so. Love, love, love, that has been the ambition of my life (love meaning not the mushy valentine hearts but the listening, spending time with, honesty type of love, love as an action). Love my friends, family, everybody I come in contact with. Faith, faith, faith, faithful to God, loyal to all people Christian or not. I guess most would call me a liberal Christian. I don't believe it is my job to talk of hell and heaven, I don't know about them. God judges people, not I. My witness has been to strive for pure motive, pure love and concern for others and to be open about my life with anybody. So ask me a question or accuse me or read my thoughts, they're my offering to you and to God. Love God by loving his people. The foundation of Christianity has been the foundation of my thought, my goals and my interactions with other people. Now, my faith is in question. I absolutely do not want to believe and live by a faith that is innaccurate or born of tradition and comfort. I am not a Christian because it is easier for me to fit in with my family and friends because that has certainly not been the case. I am not comfortable claiming something is true unless it is so I want to know if Christianity is the truth. All of sudden I understand arguments against it, I understand arguments for other things. It's scary, like falling into ice cold water and not being able to see the sky. Why is Christianity prevalent in Europe and America but not in other places? How can we have a benevolent God who left out the Native Americans? Did they not get the privalege of knowing Christ? Or how can we speculate what they did and did not know? The Bible doesn't mention Christianity's spread to America either but it came here. Why have my prayers always been heard and answered without exception, but others claim prayers unanswered? What about creation, evolution, big bang, young earth, new earth...science in general? I want to know! I'm not going to claim something because it's always been what I believed, I can only be a Christian because it's true. What I do know is that Islam was configured after the Christian/Jewish God and broke off from that common peice later in it's history. I know that Buddhism was fashioned after a man who thought and wrote what he thought. I know that in my life, in my observable experiences, Christianity has made sense, not that it has been flawless, people have been cruel or inconsistent or whatever, but Christianity has proved logical in my life. Peoples lives that I have observed have proven Christianity to me in the past. So what now? I am reading things right and left, biblical things, atheistic speculations...ect. Right now I have only focused on Christianity and the existence of God versus Atheism because to take on everything would be too much so I have to start with, is there a God, higher being..
Thus is my dillemma at the moment. Why is this so important to me? Being a Christian or being an Atheist are different. My days are spent thus far with a Christian structure. As a Christian I can let go of things or experiences here because, though I want experiences and a good life here and can have ambition for that, my focus is on an eternal life. My priorities are arranged differently. I'll schedule that extra trip to see a friend or family member in lieu of experiencing a new city because it is more important. It is not my highest priority to maximize my success in life (i'm not saying its not a goal but it's place in line is much lower as a christian), or to see everything and do everything before I die. My biggest priorities are to love and care for and work and take care of the resources I have been given.. My days start with cultivating my relationship with God, I have realized through not praying daily over the past two days, that usually I am in constant communication with God. I mull over life and decisions all day long with God. It's not falling on my knees "Touched by an Angel" praying, it's discussing. It's natural and apparently subconcious because I hadn't realized it's role in my life until I stopped. If I am no longer a Christian I must detox myself of this kind of praying. If no longer a Christian I will not connect with my friends and family. I will need to rethink why I have the moral structure that I have because my morals have been firmly intwined with my Christianity for as far back as I can remember. My identity has been tied up with Christianity, all good and pleasing things about me are a result of Christ in my life. The biggest thing is though, that as I Christian, I have whole heartedly believed Christianity and it's implications. I can only live my life by something I wholeheartedly believe.
Okay, that's a good idea of what's going on. Like I said some may find it upsetting for me to say all this. Perhaps you want to warn those closest to me to run for the hills. My offering is honesty. I won't pretend to pray for you during this time, but if you are a Christian I would love the prayer or if you're anything do what you do for me. I'm not afraid of the truth. I am afraid of not knowing the truth. As always, comments are more than welcome.
A sample of something I found on this website : http://www.mwillett.org/athiest.htm
"Very little of what appears in the Bible is memetically novel. Noah's flood seems to be a hearsay account of a tribal memory of a catastrophic flood beyond any normal tsunami or deluge. There is a novel theory that it began with the opening of the Bosporus, allowing the waters of the Mediterranean to enter and flood what is now the Black Sea, an area of fertile land surrounding a much lower level large freshwater lake. An event like that is going to be talked about for thousands of years! Whether or not that is true there is a lot of evidence that flood stories abound in the Middle East which predate the Bible account by centuries. The son of God meme naturally has a pre-Christian, non-Jewish origin. Alexander the Great was the first man who encouraged his followers to proclaim his status as the son of a god."
"The virgin birth meme began with a biblical mistranslation. The word for 'unmarried woman' was translated as 'virgin'. Whether or not that was a mistake or a calculated deception it certainly had an effect or two on the world. The faith meme is a classic. This meme helps reinforce any other meme it is associated with. It acts just like the AIDS virus, attacking the immune system. By neutralizing logic and reason the faith meme will allow the other memes it is associated with to take a firm hold on the minds of its host. Christianity is a very advanced form of adaptive multi-stranded meme complex. Like many biological viruses it has smaller units within it that soften up the target, spread the "payload" rapidly and at the same time react with ruthless efficiency against any of the brain's immune responses.
None of this should be seen as conspiracy theory, I hardly ever subscribe to them. That which survives and prospers is that which happened to have the necessary qualities. If Christianity was not good at making conversions, absorbing heresies and older beliefs and resisting de-conversion then it would not be as widespread as it is. The College of Cardinals does not sit about planning ways to make their religion more potent or palatable, they believe in it themselves. Misguided fools."
"To say that Christianity is a meme is not to say that it is an evil manipulation, it is just to acknowledge that it spreads in ways that are memetic. Seeing value judgements where there should be none is a very common human weakness."
Here's the deal. I have been a Christian my whole life, and not just a churchgoing Christian. I threw myself at Christianity and a relationship with God like I threw myself into a dancing career, except ten times more so. Love, love, love, that has been the ambition of my life (love meaning not the mushy valentine hearts but the listening, spending time with, honesty type of love, love as an action). Love my friends, family, everybody I come in contact with. Faith, faith, faith, faithful to God, loyal to all people Christian or not. I guess most would call me a liberal Christian. I don't believe it is my job to talk of hell and heaven, I don't know about them. God judges people, not I. My witness has been to strive for pure motive, pure love and concern for others and to be open about my life with anybody. So ask me a question or accuse me or read my thoughts, they're my offering to you and to God. Love God by loving his people. The foundation of Christianity has been the foundation of my thought, my goals and my interactions with other people. Now, my faith is in question. I absolutely do not want to believe and live by a faith that is innaccurate or born of tradition and comfort. I am not a Christian because it is easier for me to fit in with my family and friends because that has certainly not been the case. I am not comfortable claiming something is true unless it is so I want to know if Christianity is the truth. All of sudden I understand arguments against it, I understand arguments for other things. It's scary, like falling into ice cold water and not being able to see the sky. Why is Christianity prevalent in Europe and America but not in other places? How can we have a benevolent God who left out the Native Americans? Did they not get the privalege of knowing Christ? Or how can we speculate what they did and did not know? The Bible doesn't mention Christianity's spread to America either but it came here. Why have my prayers always been heard and answered without exception, but others claim prayers unanswered? What about creation, evolution, big bang, young earth, new earth...science in general? I want to know! I'm not going to claim something because it's always been what I believed, I can only be a Christian because it's true. What I do know is that Islam was configured after the Christian/Jewish God and broke off from that common peice later in it's history. I know that Buddhism was fashioned after a man who thought and wrote what he thought. I know that in my life, in my observable experiences, Christianity has made sense, not that it has been flawless, people have been cruel or inconsistent or whatever, but Christianity has proved logical in my life. Peoples lives that I have observed have proven Christianity to me in the past. So what now? I am reading things right and left, biblical things, atheistic speculations...ect. Right now I have only focused on Christianity and the existence of God versus Atheism because to take on everything would be too much so I have to start with, is there a God, higher being..
Thus is my dillemma at the moment. Why is this so important to me? Being a Christian or being an Atheist are different. My days are spent thus far with a Christian structure. As a Christian I can let go of things or experiences here because, though I want experiences and a good life here and can have ambition for that, my focus is on an eternal life. My priorities are arranged differently. I'll schedule that extra trip to see a friend or family member in lieu of experiencing a new city because it is more important. It is not my highest priority to maximize my success in life (i'm not saying its not a goal but it's place in line is much lower as a christian), or to see everything and do everything before I die. My biggest priorities are to love and care for and work and take care of the resources I have been given.. My days start with cultivating my relationship with God, I have realized through not praying daily over the past two days, that usually I am in constant communication with God. I mull over life and decisions all day long with God. It's not falling on my knees "Touched by an Angel" praying, it's discussing. It's natural and apparently subconcious because I hadn't realized it's role in my life until I stopped. If I am no longer a Christian I must detox myself of this kind of praying. If no longer a Christian I will not connect with my friends and family. I will need to rethink why I have the moral structure that I have because my morals have been firmly intwined with my Christianity for as far back as I can remember. My identity has been tied up with Christianity, all good and pleasing things about me are a result of Christ in my life. The biggest thing is though, that as I Christian, I have whole heartedly believed Christianity and it's implications. I can only live my life by something I wholeheartedly believe.
Okay, that's a good idea of what's going on. Like I said some may find it upsetting for me to say all this. Perhaps you want to warn those closest to me to run for the hills. My offering is honesty. I won't pretend to pray for you during this time, but if you are a Christian I would love the prayer or if you're anything do what you do for me. I'm not afraid of the truth. I am afraid of not knowing the truth. As always, comments are more than welcome.
A sample of something I found on this website : http://www.mwillett.org/athiest.htm
"Very little of what appears in the Bible is memetically novel. Noah's flood seems to be a hearsay account of a tribal memory of a catastrophic flood beyond any normal tsunami or deluge. There is a novel theory that it began with the opening of the Bosporus, allowing the waters of the Mediterranean to enter and flood what is now the Black Sea, an area of fertile land surrounding a much lower level large freshwater lake. An event like that is going to be talked about for thousands of years! Whether or not that is true there is a lot of evidence that flood stories abound in the Middle East which predate the Bible account by centuries. The son of God meme naturally has a pre-Christian, non-Jewish origin. Alexander the Great was the first man who encouraged his followers to proclaim his status as the son of a god."
"The virgin birth meme began with a biblical mistranslation. The word for 'unmarried woman' was translated as 'virgin'. Whether or not that was a mistake or a calculated deception it certainly had an effect or two on the world. The faith meme is a classic. This meme helps reinforce any other meme it is associated with. It acts just like the AIDS virus, attacking the immune system. By neutralizing logic and reason the faith meme will allow the other memes it is associated with to take a firm hold on the minds of its host. Christianity is a very advanced form of adaptive multi-stranded meme complex. Like many biological viruses it has smaller units within it that soften up the target, spread the "payload" rapidly and at the same time react with ruthless efficiency against any of the brain's immune responses.
None of this should be seen as conspiracy theory, I hardly ever subscribe to them. That which survives and prospers is that which happened to have the necessary qualities. If Christianity was not good at making conversions, absorbing heresies and older beliefs and resisting de-conversion then it would not be as widespread as it is. The College of Cardinals does not sit about planning ways to make their religion more potent or palatable, they believe in it themselves. Misguided fools."
"To say that Christianity is a meme is not to say that it is an evil manipulation, it is just to acknowledge that it spreads in ways that are memetic. Seeing value judgements where there should be none is a very common human weakness."
posted by Coco at 8:52 AM
2 Comments:
First of all I love you.
Second of all, I think it is the best thing to be absolutely sure that what you believe is true.
Third of all, I think the hugest witness to the truth of God in your life is that you know God has been in your life.
Fourth of all, the arguement that the flood may not have happened, because other cultures have history talking about a flood, is like saying Crista never went to Oklahoma because both Melanie and Dolores agree she was there.
Fifth of all, the historical, geographical, archaelogical, and other observable proveable information in the Bible, has been tested more times than any other historical work, and been considered accurate or true. The things that are not observable and testable such as Ezekial's vision of God are coupled with things that are observable and testable.
Further, to say there is no "higher authority" is to say that nothing on this earth matters at all. Therefore though "morals" may fall under a certain social custom, to do something against social customs is perfectly reasonable. Because we all know no particular man or people group is "in charge."
Finally, one more thing that is observable and testable is the change in the lives of people that have accepted Christ. Just ask them. And they will tell you, "Before Jesus my life was pointless, after I met him it completely changed." I have never heard of atheism changing lives and hearts of anyone to become a better, more selfless, loving person.
Crista, I've never been known for my scholarly knowledge, but I'd love to talk more about this with you sometime. For now, one thing jumped out as something I wanted to say.
You said, "Christianity has made sense, not that it has been flawless, people have been cruel or inconsistent or whatever, but Christianity has proved logical in my life"
I'm sure you already know this, but I just wanted to point out that inconsistency exists within people, not within Christianity. God remains perfect but we bring our flaws to the table. All of us. You'll never meet a flawless follower of Christ.
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