Lucky Girl
I am, truly, a lucky girl. Thank you Kaisara and Cate, Melanie, James, Carrie....everyone for reminding me they love me. I am lucky. I am fortunate that I can write to vent and that people who read it care and let me know.
Today, I am human again. I know that my situation is not the worst ever. I have a fantastic life, I love my jobs, my friends, my everything. I struggle with my self esteem more than I'd like to admit. All I've ever wanted in life was to share it and enjoy it. Relationships have always been priority number one to me, I adore a life lived in unison. I think there is such potential for experience and passion and meaning when people faithfully, truthfully love each other. I still believe that.
As an update, I broke up with Casey on Wednesday. He swears he loves me singly and will work to prove it. I told him that I'd like nothing better than for him to be right, but he can only even attempt to prove it to me as a single man. Our history is scarred, my heart is broken, my trust is broken. But I have spent time with him every day since. I have asked him to sleep next to me until tonight. Last night after work he took me to the beach and we walked and talked. I told him if he wants to spend time with me he must get to know me and let me get to know him ,because I don't. He asked me out on a date on Monday. I don't know that this is what I will want in the long run. I don't know if he loves me or anyone in his life. I don't know what to do. I cry and can't eat and want him to hold me. wtf is right. day by day I will get stronger in knowing what I want and I will do it.
Today, I am human again. I know that my situation is not the worst ever. I have a fantastic life, I love my jobs, my friends, my everything. I struggle with my self esteem more than I'd like to admit. All I've ever wanted in life was to share it and enjoy it. Relationships have always been priority number one to me, I adore a life lived in unison. I think there is such potential for experience and passion and meaning when people faithfully, truthfully love each other. I still believe that.
As an update, I broke up with Casey on Wednesday. He swears he loves me singly and will work to prove it. I told him that I'd like nothing better than for him to be right, but he can only even attempt to prove it to me as a single man. Our history is scarred, my heart is broken, my trust is broken. But I have spent time with him every day since. I have asked him to sleep next to me until tonight. Last night after work he took me to the beach and we walked and talked. I told him if he wants to spend time with me he must get to know me and let me get to know him ,because I don't. He asked me out on a date on Monday. I don't know that this is what I will want in the long run. I don't know if he loves me or anyone in his life. I don't know what to do. I cry and can't eat and want him to hold me. wtf is right. day by day I will get stronger in knowing what I want and I will do it.
posted by Coco at 10:07 PM
3 Comments:
Sweetie- get yourself out of the trap...now. He has already proved himself. Please, please do this for you. Alone in your bed is far better than him next to you- you know it in your heart.
Crista, you deserve SO much more than that boy can EVER offer you! Stronger is a wise woman...her advice is sound!!!
And, again I say you are BEAUTIFUL, talented and a hard-worker! Don't give up!!!
S:)
Crista, you deserve better. There is someone out there who deserves to share your heart and life. There is someone out there who will love you the way you want and deserve to be loved. To echo Flame Lilly, you deserve a man, not a boy. The ultimate choice with Casey lies in your hands, I want to offer you a thought: Your partner can't find you if your heart is not free. Your beautiful heart. You deserve to be free and happy, not held back, doubtful and in pain. I love you.
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