Hole-y
I have holes in my, what Oprah calls, Vajayjay. I will tell you about my surgery if you promise to see it as funny....laugh a little, I am :)
I had a vulvar biopsy yesterday. I was given novacain shots on my cooch in two different areas and then two birthmarks were removed to be tested for cancer or precancer. I was thinking I'd have two little scrapes...oh no people, my flower looks like I hole punched it! It will heal up real nice and noone will know the difference, tee hee. But I was so shocked when I saw it my first inclination was to snap a pic and post it...ridiculous, but seriously its funny looking.
Now don't get worried. I've been tiptoeing around the "health issues" bit because I am embarassed and it was a lot for me to process at one time...but it's okay. I had an abnormal pap and they found stage two pre-cancer in my cervix and did thier best to freeze off the face of the sucker. Now it's a waiting game to see if my body will produce healthy cells or cancerous ones. In the meantime, since I have birthmarks on my naughty bits they wanted to test for cancer there. Eeek, cross your fingers. My focus was supposed to be on my immune system and as much as I have tried to be healthy, my stress level has been quite high and I don't think my poor health could keep up. But I am doing what I can to stay calm and healthy and hopefully that will do the trick!
I have an appointment in Long Beach today for a studio apartment that seems adorable. And they need a tenant yesterday. The price is right and the location good. So....I just have to see and it's possible in the next day I can move out of Casey's apt and start my solo existence. I am also planning on looking at two other studios on the way out there. Melanie is letting me use her car to do the job.
I ache over my lost love life. Everyday it's new. Yesterday I found that Casey had reactivated his dating website profile while we were still together....that same damn week he cheated on me. Whatever, par for the course I guess, if he does one thing he could do it all. But it said his last log in was 5 days BEFORE I broke up with him and three days before I moved in. Every little piece just takes away the little threads of hope I was holding on to that this was a mistake, that we actually did have the relationship I thought we had, he just strayed that once. But no. I should know better, I should chalk it up to learning and experience and immaturity. I'm a damn after school hallmark special. But this was my first lover, my one and only intimate partner who knows all the pieces of my soul and body, who dreamed with me of a little vegan family full of love and laughter and books and music. The man who held me when I cried and told me I was safe with him. Casey who loves James Taylor and Wallace and Grommit and shares a love of boba. Who was this man? Who the hell was I? I did what I knew I shouldn't, I wrote a text to him telling him I saw his profile and when he had reactivated and that I never knew him. He called me, he had his excuses, his rationalizations, his apologies. I for once had my anger, my hurt, my accusations on my tounge. If you know me at all you know I can't argue to save my life. I listen if you're angry but I don't think clearly or quickly when I'm upset so I don't really talk about it in the moment and then I cool down and am no longer angry. But last night I told Casey he took the very best of my life and love and used me and threw me away. He never saw what I gave. He never could be completely honest with me and that was the worst part. He was a fake and he doesn't even know it himself. and yet still I ache and want to believe him. But it's too late. I am hoping to make this as easy and loving as possible. We can be friends, I know we have it in us. I love him and want him to succeed and he likes to be there for people when it makes him feel good. We can have the modern fairytale....part on good terms remembering the good times and kiss goodbye and text each other encouragments when needed. But I need my identity back, my life and my heart. And breaking up is the only way to do it.
I had a vulvar biopsy yesterday. I was given novacain shots on my cooch in two different areas and then two birthmarks were removed to be tested for cancer or precancer. I was thinking I'd have two little scrapes...oh no people, my flower looks like I hole punched it! It will heal up real nice and noone will know the difference, tee hee. But I was so shocked when I saw it my first inclination was to snap a pic and post it...ridiculous, but seriously its funny looking.
Now don't get worried. I've been tiptoeing around the "health issues" bit because I am embarassed and it was a lot for me to process at one time...but it's okay. I had an abnormal pap and they found stage two pre-cancer in my cervix and did thier best to freeze off the face of the sucker. Now it's a waiting game to see if my body will produce healthy cells or cancerous ones. In the meantime, since I have birthmarks on my naughty bits they wanted to test for cancer there. Eeek, cross your fingers. My focus was supposed to be on my immune system and as much as I have tried to be healthy, my stress level has been quite high and I don't think my poor health could keep up. But I am doing what I can to stay calm and healthy and hopefully that will do the trick!
I have an appointment in Long Beach today for a studio apartment that seems adorable. And they need a tenant yesterday. The price is right and the location good. So....I just have to see and it's possible in the next day I can move out of Casey's apt and start my solo existence. I am also planning on looking at two other studios on the way out there. Melanie is letting me use her car to do the job.
I ache over my lost love life. Everyday it's new. Yesterday I found that Casey had reactivated his dating website profile while we were still together....that same damn week he cheated on me. Whatever, par for the course I guess, if he does one thing he could do it all. But it said his last log in was 5 days BEFORE I broke up with him and three days before I moved in. Every little piece just takes away the little threads of hope I was holding on to that this was a mistake, that we actually did have the relationship I thought we had, he just strayed that once. But no. I should know better, I should chalk it up to learning and experience and immaturity. I'm a damn after school hallmark special. But this was my first lover, my one and only intimate partner who knows all the pieces of my soul and body, who dreamed with me of a little vegan family full of love and laughter and books and music. The man who held me when I cried and told me I was safe with him. Casey who loves James Taylor and Wallace and Grommit and shares a love of boba. Who was this man? Who the hell was I? I did what I knew I shouldn't, I wrote a text to him telling him I saw his profile and when he had reactivated and that I never knew him. He called me, he had his excuses, his rationalizations, his apologies. I for once had my anger, my hurt, my accusations on my tounge. If you know me at all you know I can't argue to save my life. I listen if you're angry but I don't think clearly or quickly when I'm upset so I don't really talk about it in the moment and then I cool down and am no longer angry. But last night I told Casey he took the very best of my life and love and used me and threw me away. He never saw what I gave. He never could be completely honest with me and that was the worst part. He was a fake and he doesn't even know it himself. and yet still I ache and want to believe him. But it's too late. I am hoping to make this as easy and loving as possible. We can be friends, I know we have it in us. I love him and want him to succeed and he likes to be there for people when it makes him feel good. We can have the modern fairytale....part on good terms remembering the good times and kiss goodbye and text each other encouragments when needed. But I need my identity back, my life and my heart. And breaking up is the only way to do it.
posted by Coco at 5:49 AM
1 Comments:
You're the second one of my friends to find cancerous cells on their cervix in the past few months. Sometimes being a girl sucks. Sorry to hear that your heart is broken, good luck with the apartment and let me know when the open house is, I'll bring vegan cupcakes.
XOXO
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