Sex in the City

Ah the life a single woman. I do feel a bit like the quirky Carrie Bradshaw of late. I realized I stopped posting about my dating life when it started to get a little embarassing...and when Casey found my blog.

Here I am, 25 years old, having questioned my faith, the basis of how I dated the way I did (or didn't) leaves me in a bit of a confused state. I don't really know what I want or what I believe in or what my boundaries are. This is sometimes devastating and sometimes really comical. But I feel like its at least entertaining and I enjoy the comments from y'all so, I will continue to post. Hopefully it will not offend. I will, however, for the love search engines, not use full first names anymore. I will use initials that make sense to me.

Well, where did we leave off?? Shane (henceforth called SH) continues to flirt a bit, but nothing serious. He sent me a few text messages...why didn't we work out, when can we go out again, nothing serious I just like kissing you...ha! He's cute, and young and I don't think I can go out with him again because I'm not sure what I would do! I don't really want to further the affection, but I do like him. I would be okay hanging out and getting to know him in a friendly, flirty way but...uh, you know.

Steven (SS) left and I haven't seen him since the gingerbread making extravaganza but he's contacted me and wants to further "the crista ss experience" as he calls it. The thing is, we went a little further than kissing and thats not really what I want from him. I think he's finding his way into the friend category...just not sure how to communicate that to him. I don't know. He invited me snowboarding with our friends for a birthday and that seems nice but he thinks of me as a romantic partner and I think of him as a guy I went out with twice and now want to just hang out and talk about books.

and then there was the Christmas fiasco. The night of the 23rd I slept with a friend from work...a sort of friend that I knew and had a false sense of closeness too. I liked him. D is his name. We had shared life stories while in the brig at work. He hugged me while I cried after the Casey break up. I talked him through the Girl who had a boyfriend problem. So the 23rd I see him at a work party we hug and catch up and then I in a fit of disaster tell him I think he should come over to my place. He does, we talk, he tells me all the things he wants to do for me- you know guys, fix this or that, supply me with mase...then he kissed me and it was the first kiss that felt good...soo good, so close, so caring. We kissed and then....more. I had only ever been with Casey. D knew all about that. I assumed D cared for me. WRONG. Always wrong. I knew, in the back of my mind it could be nothing but I hoped anyway. He text messaged me the next day to make sure I didn't have the wrong idea. It was just sex. That's it. This is a dangerous game I have entered into. Welcome to adult hood... a little late I guess. Everyone I work with advised me after Casey that I need a few good one night stands and some fun no strings good times. The Walk of Victory as my friend Becca advised. I don't feel victorious. I feel lonely. After about a week of hoping he'd call to even just hook up again I deleted his number from my phone tonight. I don't need that. I don't want to contact him. I am only an acquaintence. He will say, to himself and to me...we are good friends that can share something mutually beneficial once in a while and he's "always there for (you) me". But that is the illusion.

Well on the 25 he had invited me up to his apartment with other people for Christmas fun. I went after work and another party. Long story short we watched a movie and when nearly everyone had fallen asleep D's roommate Orange (who is THE MAN that all the girls sleep with at work) turned to me and kissed me and wow, he was a great kisser. I didn't stop it, I don't know why. He picked me up and carried me off to his room...but after some kissing and stuff he was going for my pants and I exclaimed "I can't do this! I just slept with D two nights ago" He laughed I tried to gather some semblence of dignity and walked out of his room...straight into D getting ready to go to sleep! Who am I??? I went home at 7am after talking to D for a while...about me and about the Girl he's in love with and then I slept like the dead. Okay, so my 2nd partner came quickly after I broke up with Casey - within a month. But I just couldn't have #2 and #3 in the same week! and being roommates! I told D apologetically "I hope it doesn't cause problems but I told Orange I slept with you". To my suprise D says nonchalantly "oh he already knows, he's my best friend and roommate, I talked to him about you". um yeah.

Now...I haven't been in that situation since. Fortunately D and Orange are both out on injuries and I don't see them at work. Orange is the it guy and I'm sure its laughable that I ran away from him but slept with D. Casey, funny enough, went to a basketball game that they both were at...he said they didn't look him in the eye! Casey doesn't, as far as I know, know about D and Orange in regards to me.

I didn't do anything rash on New Years fortunately. But I am lonely. I want a companion. the other stuff is empty and I don't like it with people who don't know me. I did have dinner with RyM - a friend from out of town I met when I was 18. We see each other once every several years. It had been three since our last meeting. We caught up and now he is back in Pennsylvania studying to be a pediatric ER doc. He plans on doing his residency out here in a year and half though and his family is in Orange County. He expressed some interest in me after we parted. I said we should try to keep in touch this year. He agreed. I am more comfortable with that. Its just nice to have something, someone to look forward to talking to without pressure. Nothing can happen, we will both date other people. But we have to some extent known and cared for each other through the last six years.

Well, thats the update for now. I hope this has at least kept you entertained! I try not to take my life so seriously...this is supposed to be the fun stuff right?