Blowing off steam...
Yesterday was very dynamic. I can't say I had a bad day, because I didn't. But I was personally attacked in various ways. FYI, this will not turn into rant blog, I hope.
First, I just became a spokes model for a salon and on Saturday when I went in to pass out flyers, one of the estheticians got out her henna and made a pretty design on my hand, just to have fun. First thing on Monday a certain man sees my hand as I am doing him a business favor and decides to give me is unsolicited opinion. "Is that Henna? I heard henna is dangerous for your skin, toxic. But I think it's just the black henna and you have the brown so maybe it's not so bad. It looks like a tat. Ugh. You're gonna be in the front office like that for two weeks"
Um okay, I guess he doesn't like it right? Later he passes me and says "Crista, everytime I see your hand I just thing it looks...dirty" to which I just look at him. Did he want a response? What am I supposed to say to that?
Well, that turned out to be mild because the dance company I'm in (and I have only been in it a short while)underwent construction last night. I shudder to go into the gory details, it's just silly. The choreographer went on a rampage and guess who was at the center of her hostility? Me..why, I don't know. I work hard, I'm early to EVERYTHING, I always have my gear, a smile on my face and a shake in my hips. I'm polite, I don't say boo during class or rehearsal, I help the other girls...what did I do? I didn't know a dance she choreographed. I had never seeen this dance. She made me perform it yesterday. It involves a veil, I have never danced with a veil. She told me I was unprofessional, embarassing. I was not the only one but I got the brunt. and here's the thing, I'm nearly the newest member. I know the new numbers because she actually showed them to me once. But veil they haven't done the whole time I was there. While I was standing up dancing with two other girls who had never learned the dance she stopped the music and made us face the wall and do it so we couldn't even see each other...not that it would've helped much, blind leading the blind and all. But then when the 5 minute song was over and we had rustled and swooshed our little bodies around, she kept us standing in the middle and said "isn't that embarassing? I hope you are all watching, I hope you see that". Well, I'll tell you what I see...manipulation, poor management and unneccessary brow-beating (and really, when is browbeating neccessary?). I told this woman I couldn't perform until January because I was in another show. She booked me in December anyway, told me it would be alright and then chewed me out publicly for not knowing all the numbers AND for not looking like a bellydancer...hello, I'm not a belly dancer, I'm a jazz, ballet, musical theater dancer, classically trained and I went to an audition for an "international jazz and hip hop company" which apparently meant belly dancing. During her rant yesterday my body reverted back to my 16 year old silent rage. The other girls sat down knees to there chests, I, indignant, was the only girl standing hands at side staring her in the face. I'm not and inciteful girl, but I'm also a bit prideful and I won't take it sitting down. If you're going to yell at me you're going to do it directly into my face, staring in my eyes. I'm not going to look up at you subordinately. See that, that's my struggle, I'm quite prideful sometimes. It's a throwback to my youthful rebellion, my claiming of my "rights".
So what am I going to do? I wanted to quit last night but I know better than to quit in anger, I would have quit as a "screw you" instead of because I felt it was the right decision. In all honesty, I could take some time over the weekend and learn all the numbers on my DVD..that she did not give but one of the other girls made out of desperation. So I could learn all the numbers and take class and follow all her rules...which I already do. Or I could quit out of principle of not agreeing with her management techniques..or out of pride because she yelled at me. But I don't feel good about that. I never pined to be a belly dancer...but it is nice to have a dancing job, a steady dancing job. What I think the best course of action is, is to learn the numbers this week and try my best. If the yelling, manipulation, brow-beating ends...good. If poor management continues, I'll know it's not just a season, a weekend, a mood, a situation, but actually a poor situation and will resign...hang up my coin scarf and go. The main reason I don't want to quit right now is because deep inside I want to teach her lesson by quitting dramatically. I don't like that attitude in myself and I will fight it. I will swallow my pride and go to class. No matter what she tells me she will not convince me that I am a lazy, unprofessional dancer. so I'll go, but I'll continue to audition. The other reason I don't want to quit right away is that I know all dance companies, to an extent, have the same dynamic sometimes. dancers! teachers yell, embarass, harass, verbally abuse. You have to have thick skin to be a performer and the truth is sometimes you will be poorly treated. That's true for any job.
I guess that was a rant...stay tuned for something positive!
First, I just became a spokes model for a salon and on Saturday when I went in to pass out flyers, one of the estheticians got out her henna and made a pretty design on my hand, just to have fun. First thing on Monday a certain man sees my hand as I am doing him a business favor and decides to give me is unsolicited opinion. "Is that Henna? I heard henna is dangerous for your skin, toxic. But I think it's just the black henna and you have the brown so maybe it's not so bad. It looks like a tat. Ugh. You're gonna be in the front office like that for two weeks"
Um okay, I guess he doesn't like it right? Later he passes me and says "Crista, everytime I see your hand I just thing it looks...dirty" to which I just look at him. Did he want a response? What am I supposed to say to that?
Well, that turned out to be mild because the dance company I'm in (and I have only been in it a short while)underwent construction last night. I shudder to go into the gory details, it's just silly. The choreographer went on a rampage and guess who was at the center of her hostility? Me..why, I don't know. I work hard, I'm early to EVERYTHING, I always have my gear, a smile on my face and a shake in my hips. I'm polite, I don't say boo during class or rehearsal, I help the other girls...what did I do? I didn't know a dance she choreographed. I had never seeen this dance. She made me perform it yesterday. It involves a veil, I have never danced with a veil. She told me I was unprofessional, embarassing. I was not the only one but I got the brunt. and here's the thing, I'm nearly the newest member. I know the new numbers because she actually showed them to me once. But veil they haven't done the whole time I was there. While I was standing up dancing with two other girls who had never learned the dance she stopped the music and made us face the wall and do it so we couldn't even see each other...not that it would've helped much, blind leading the blind and all. But then when the 5 minute song was over and we had rustled and swooshed our little bodies around, she kept us standing in the middle and said "isn't that embarassing? I hope you are all watching, I hope you see that". Well, I'll tell you what I see...manipulation, poor management and unneccessary brow-beating (and really, when is browbeating neccessary?). I told this woman I couldn't perform until January because I was in another show. She booked me in December anyway, told me it would be alright and then chewed me out publicly for not knowing all the numbers AND for not looking like a bellydancer...hello, I'm not a belly dancer, I'm a jazz, ballet, musical theater dancer, classically trained and I went to an audition for an "international jazz and hip hop company" which apparently meant belly dancing. During her rant yesterday my body reverted back to my 16 year old silent rage. The other girls sat down knees to there chests, I, indignant, was the only girl standing hands at side staring her in the face. I'm not and inciteful girl, but I'm also a bit prideful and I won't take it sitting down. If you're going to yell at me you're going to do it directly into my face, staring in my eyes. I'm not going to look up at you subordinately. See that, that's my struggle, I'm quite prideful sometimes. It's a throwback to my youthful rebellion, my claiming of my "rights".
So what am I going to do? I wanted to quit last night but I know better than to quit in anger, I would have quit as a "screw you" instead of because I felt it was the right decision. In all honesty, I could take some time over the weekend and learn all the numbers on my DVD..that she did not give but one of the other girls made out of desperation. So I could learn all the numbers and take class and follow all her rules...which I already do. Or I could quit out of principle of not agreeing with her management techniques..or out of pride because she yelled at me. But I don't feel good about that. I never pined to be a belly dancer...but it is nice to have a dancing job, a steady dancing job. What I think the best course of action is, is to learn the numbers this week and try my best. If the yelling, manipulation, brow-beating ends...good. If poor management continues, I'll know it's not just a season, a weekend, a mood, a situation, but actually a poor situation and will resign...hang up my coin scarf and go. The main reason I don't want to quit right now is because deep inside I want to teach her lesson by quitting dramatically. I don't like that attitude in myself and I will fight it. I will swallow my pride and go to class. No matter what she tells me she will not convince me that I am a lazy, unprofessional dancer. so I'll go, but I'll continue to audition. The other reason I don't want to quit right away is that I know all dance companies, to an extent, have the same dynamic sometimes. dancers! teachers yell, embarass, harass, verbally abuse. You have to have thick skin to be a performer and the truth is sometimes you will be poorly treated. That's true for any job.
I guess that was a rant...stay tuned for something positive!
posted by Coco at 8:47 AM
3 Comments:
Hmmm, how about pulling her aside after rehearsal and asking her what she hopes to accomplish by belittling. Very calmly ask her if she thinks she is earning respect as a leader or demanding it because of her position. Abuse is abuse. If I've learned anything over the last few months, I've learned you should dance because you are a good dancer- not to prove yourself to her. She will never care but at least you can call her out on her bad behavior. She puts her tights on one leg at a time just like everyone else.
Thanks for the advice. I never know if I'm just overreacting. I liked the tights reference :)
ahhh. sometimes it feels good to vent ;). you are not over reacting.
Post a Comment
<< Home