Mind Dump
I'm baking banana bread right now to bring up to Troy. Troy is an aerialist who broke his foot in three places during our show last week. It sucks because he's going to be unable to walk for 16 WEEKS! Then the therapy will start, wow! and I'm going to see him. I have so much stuff to catch up on day by day that I don't have time to write, or finish my laundry, or anything. Well, I feel I don't. And still I don't work as much as I should and I don't know where all my time goes! So I'm relaxing right now, waiting for the bread and eating my lunch and writing, finally.
My life is amazingly wonderful. There's so much dynamic to it, I don't know how I can let the hard times get me down. I'm grateful... the low low's mean that I experience high highs and I've realized I wouldn't have it any other way. A friend of mine was explaining how he was chastised for believing and holding out for a romantic, passionate relationship. He said "Holly said it's not like that. It builds over time. You don't need the passionate romance". Hmmm. I said we'll, I've kind of tried both. and they say the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long. But I say, I want both, I want the flame that burns twice as bright, for twice as long. and if I can't have it I will take the flame that burns twice as bright. I'm not kidding, I would love to say I'm slow and steady but the truth is I value passion and experience. He agreed :)
I have been going to these Eating Disorder meetings and while I don't like them I truly believe in them. I fight the program I've started which I know means it's good. I have a sponsor and a plan of abstainence and a plan of eating as well as a workout plan. Apparently I'm a little crazy when it comes to the exercise. But I went to a meeting the other day, and as usual, i don't share but I listen and my heart breaks for these girls, these broken sad women who feel they have nothing. and they try so hard and the tears, I swear could flood the ocean. And I just want to take each of them in my arms and stroke thier hair and assure them, it is not as they see it, it's not desperate and worthless, life. Beauty is so different from what they think it is, from what I am want to think it is. How can I help these girls? These little points of light that are fading? It's good for me to go to these meetings because I see, first hand how ridiculous our defense mechanism of food control, exercise, body manipulation and destruction is. collectively we work out and diet more than the stars in hollywood and we get nowhere. Lack of control as we percieve is NOT the problem. Perception is exactly the problem.
more later, gotta go take out the bread, see Troy, and yes, hit the gym ;)
My life is amazingly wonderful. There's so much dynamic to it, I don't know how I can let the hard times get me down. I'm grateful... the low low's mean that I experience high highs and I've realized I wouldn't have it any other way. A friend of mine was explaining how he was chastised for believing and holding out for a romantic, passionate relationship. He said "Holly said it's not like that. It builds over time. You don't need the passionate romance". Hmmm. I said we'll, I've kind of tried both. and they say the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long. But I say, I want both, I want the flame that burns twice as bright, for twice as long. and if I can't have it I will take the flame that burns twice as bright. I'm not kidding, I would love to say I'm slow and steady but the truth is I value passion and experience. He agreed :)
I have been going to these Eating Disorder meetings and while I don't like them I truly believe in them. I fight the program I've started which I know means it's good. I have a sponsor and a plan of abstainence and a plan of eating as well as a workout plan. Apparently I'm a little crazy when it comes to the exercise. But I went to a meeting the other day, and as usual, i don't share but I listen and my heart breaks for these girls, these broken sad women who feel they have nothing. and they try so hard and the tears, I swear could flood the ocean. And I just want to take each of them in my arms and stroke thier hair and assure them, it is not as they see it, it's not desperate and worthless, life. Beauty is so different from what they think it is, from what I am want to think it is. How can I help these girls? These little points of light that are fading? It's good for me to go to these meetings because I see, first hand how ridiculous our defense mechanism of food control, exercise, body manipulation and destruction is. collectively we work out and diet more than the stars in hollywood and we get nowhere. Lack of control as we percieve is NOT the problem. Perception is exactly the problem.
more later, gotta go take out the bread, see Troy, and yes, hit the gym ;)
posted by Coco at 12:19 PM
1 Comments:
I hear ya about the "burning twice as bright". As long as your content as yourself, with yourself.
Hope your friend gets better soon.
Cheers.
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