Light at the end...

I must say, it's nice, at this stage of my life to feel some closure in certain areas of my life. It seems as I ran amuck through 17, 18, 19, early 20's I left so many loose ends, so many words unsaid, so many potential regrets. Choices I made that I regret or don't know if I should regret (college), losing touch with my family, developing a bitterness and estrangement to them at times, taking the advice and not stepping in to my brothers life, people I dated and mistreated and lost friendships, abandoned friendships, career choices. I have been anxious for a long time having this crazy picture of a black and white/ right or wrong life. I failed time and again proving to myself that I must dig out of a hole. Over the past couple years I have felt like an utter disaster and through my regret and self admonishon, I held onto the fact that one can always turn themselves around and it's really thier obligation--yet, how often can someone "turn themselves around" "start anew". In the past month, that view of life, of my life has drained away. Doors closed and there was peace about it, I realized it was okay to want things and to do things other people didn't think was right, but I do, I did and I have peace about it. and some decisions I have made were poor, no ecaping that fact, but I made them and I like my life now, with all it's uncertainties. I look at the next year and I'm not sure where I'm headed. My career...what career? A day at a time, an audition at a time, a decision at a time. And finally, I feel okay living like that.