Heart Song
I am moved in. I love my apartment, it's absolutely perfect. It feels like mine. And I can breathe. I only miss Casey when he text messages me and I force myself to remember all the sweetness of our relationships. The quite moments in bed holding each other, the times we cried on each others shoulders, the day to day connectedness with another person and I start to make myself feel bad, like I made us fall apart because I'm afraid of happiness. And then I remind myself of the cheating and after the cheating, the small white lies and finally, the dating profile...no this is best. I am happier now. Until he sends me a text that he loves me. But alas, one day that must end right?
I did something rash. The cute server at work thats always been slightly, respectfully flirty...I asked him out. He had been flirting and hinted at it so I just asked. He took my number and is setting up a date this Sunday. And then he text messaged me "I am really looking forward to this, you don't even know! I have been waiting for this forever". Hmmmmmm and all of a sudden I'm a little panic stricken. Maybe thats good because I finally see that singleness can be good, even (gasp) preferrable!
It's funny, I'm 25 and dating now seems silly to me. I feel old. I know what it's like to be married-sort of, to work for a relationship day by day by fricken day. To try to work past brokenness. So while my first reaction to going out with Shane was excitement (and suprise that this hot guy will DEFINITELY go out with me and has been wanting to for a llong time) it's also scary. What if he likes me right away? What if, what if , what if? Why is relationship so important to me? Friends say I need to lighten up, have a few flings and live it up. I don't enjoy that, I think. I've never tried because it's never appealed to me, because when I kiss someone I want to be with them, I take everything seriously. And I'm not really ashamed of that. So I don't want to change me, I just want someone to take it seriously. To "hold (me) sacred" as Casey keeps saying he does ("I hold you sacred and revere you above all others").
I did something rash. The cute server at work thats always been slightly, respectfully flirty...I asked him out. He had been flirting and hinted at it so I just asked. He took my number and is setting up a date this Sunday. And then he text messaged me "I am really looking forward to this, you don't even know! I have been waiting for this forever". Hmmmmmm and all of a sudden I'm a little panic stricken. Maybe thats good because I finally see that singleness can be good, even (gasp) preferrable!
It's funny, I'm 25 and dating now seems silly to me. I feel old. I know what it's like to be married-sort of, to work for a relationship day by day by fricken day. To try to work past brokenness. So while my first reaction to going out with Shane was excitement (and suprise that this hot guy will DEFINITELY go out with me and has been wanting to for a llong time) it's also scary. What if he likes me right away? What if, what if , what if? Why is relationship so important to me? Friends say I need to lighten up, have a few flings and live it up. I don't enjoy that, I think. I've never tried because it's never appealed to me, because when I kiss someone I want to be with them, I take everything seriously. And I'm not really ashamed of that. So I don't want to change me, I just want someone to take it seriously. To "hold (me) sacred" as Casey keeps saying he does ("I hold you sacred and revere you above all others").
posted by Coco at 1:29 PM
2 Comments:
You don't need to change...being held "sacred" by someone goes sooo much further! You're doing the right thing, AND stepping out of your box a little! Thats a good balance...enjoy Sunday! We'll be watching for Mondays post!!!!
Wooo Hoooo! You go girl. Looks like things are looking up.
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