Questions of age...

I have always thought and said
my river is so deep
it holds emotions,
longing, love, passion
it never rests or sleeps

I cry true tears of sadness
I bleed red blood as you
I ache at life that passes
My feelings faithful, true

A good person I must be
a thoughtful, caring, girl
devout in things that matter
an asset to the world

but now I look at choices I have made
did I ignore just certain things?
did I dance around your feelings
for the suffering it brings?

were supposed selfless choices
really choices bred in sin
to enhance my own good standing
to enhance the lot I'm in?

as youth turns into wisdom
my pride turns into shame
left with my guilty questions
I wonder if others feel the same

if others doubt their goodness
if others feel a loss
when older they've become
and "goodness" bears a cost

Good and true and faithful
I think of over again
am I the deep, deep river?
or the shallow riverbed?