Jeckyll & Hyde

Look at me,
And tell me who I am.
Why I am
What I am.

Call me a fool,
And it's true I am.
I don't know
Who I am.

It's such a shame,
I'm such a sham.
No one knows
Who I am.

Am I the face of the future?
Am I the face of the past?
Am I the one who must finish last?

Look at me,
And tell me who I am,
Why I am
What I am.

Will I survive?
Who will give a damn,
If no one knows
Who I am?

Nobody knows -
Not even you -
No one knows who I am

Sometimes I feel like Jeckyll and Hyde, like there are two warring parts of me that don't go together.

For Example, I feel:

Old, because: of the events of last year, my crisis of faith, my bitterness about aspects of my childhood, the things I worry about, because I give therapy advice (the licensed therapist are cringing right now), because my elders tell me I am their means of support, because my baby brother who called me Mommy Crista is joining the Army, because I have officially been dieting for fourteen years, the way I live my hectic life...

Young, because: of my idealism, my ignorance in certain areas, my naivete, my salary, my disorganization, I have only been out of college a year and a half, I shop in juniors, i buy things with glitter in it-including makeup, because my favorite band is Linkin Park and I never spell it right, because I do blog quizzes, because I cry, because my bank account fluctuates more than my weight, because even though I don't, I want a family to cling to when I am overwhelmed, because I live in a box with a best friend and three cats, because half of my wardrobe is in the trunk of my car, because my car is not mine.


Intelligent, because: I graduated with honors, I can hold conversation easily with most people of any age, because I am somewhat intuitive, I usually do well at interviews, my teachers from school that interacted with me held me in high regard intellectually, because my parents call me for advice, I am pretty self-sufficient, I have a pretty good vocabulary (it could be larger to be sure though)

Ignorant , because: I wasn't able to defend my faith to skeptics, I don't understand and have no interest in politics whatsoever, I majored in dance (and entertainment business to be fair), because when I get upset i am horrible at articulating my feelings, because some people talk down to me, because I say really naive things, there are so many things I don't know that my peers find to be common knowledge, I haven't read the classics, I act more on intuition and emotion than reason, some would say I am idealistic as opposed to logical, because I keep ruining cars, because my jobs are primarily labor jobs even though I have a degree, because I cry.