James Taylor

Good old JT has soothed the soul many a time. I have loved his voice, his down to earth style, seemingly pure and unadulturated songs.

He is playing at Starbucks right now while I sit and type and all I want to do is throw something at the speakers. Casey...henceforth referred to as TP (the past, the playboy...et al) adored James Taylor, would sing his songs to me on the guitar or while stroking my hair at night. His self righteous, opennminded, tortured soul bullshit rings in my ears, resonates in my body and seems to come out my pores. Oh James cleanse me inside out from deceit.

You guessed it, I am in the anger phase. ANGER. I had lunch with a mutual friend today - Shannan, Danielle's significant other. Shannan, after a time carefully brought up that she wanted to tell me that TP asked out their coworker. Not while we were dating, but two days after I allegedly broke his heart. The nights when he came home and told me there was no other woman for him. I won't bother with more details. But I got another "revelation" from another friend yesterday and you know, its good because it's over. TP and I are over. I took him to the airport this morning out of friendship. He is going home for three days and I am babysitting his car b/c I am on his insurance. Well after lunch with Shannan I know, there can be no friendship. Casey doesn't exist. He never did. TP thinks he's Casey. But he's not. He's TP, a liar, a cheater, a characature of a human. And now, I hope I never hear another word about him and what he does in his spare time because I don't care. Stronger wrote "one day it all became clear" ...I think in some small way, I understand to an extent what she meant. I feel that way today. Yesterday I thought, we can be friends. Today I think, I never want to see him again. Thats a first for me.


And maybe one day, I can listen to James Taylor again. But not today and not for a while.

Shane asked if we could hang out before Sunday, so we had coffee yesterday. He's lovely. But he thinks I'm amazing. and that sort of scares me. So I have to make sure we just hang out and I"m honest with him. And I was. He called today. I want to talk, but I told him, I have to move slow. I am just out of a relationship (he knows about it) and I just think we should go slow. He is 23! Oops, didn't realize that. He owns a construction company with his father and is a professional motocross racer. And he works as a server at Pirates for extra money. He's Catholic. He goes slow physically and he really hopes his age won't bother me as I expressed concern. He's stoked I will go out with him Sunday and he's nervous.

I am interested. and I'm a little scared. and I feel a little old. I just have to keep reminding myself that going out with someone leaves me with no obligations to them.