More things you can never say out loud...

I know it is pointless to say now but I really wish you had just been honest enough to tell me you wanted to fuck around with other girls we work with (all the other girls apparently). Then at least we could still be friendly and I could think of you as a decent human being.

I want to know why work so hard to convince me you care about me, to convince me that you want a relationship, that my ex didn't have to ruin our relationship if you were just going behind my back anyway? Why put the time in? Why screw someone over unneccessarily when there were a million girls ready to be booty calls anyway? Why? WHY, WHY? Why waste my time with your phone calls and text messages and neverending lines of bullshit.

The reason you never say these things is that there is no answer that satisfies, no reasonable excuse that puts it to rest. The only answer is people do what they want when they want to regardless of what they have said. Sometimes they are bad people. and sometimes they are just selfish and they really did mean what they said at the time but changed thier mind and just didn't tell you. And neither one makes everything feel better. Niether answer makes it go away or stop bothering me like an endless chaffing. So I just leave it to silence and time. But man, I wish I could ask him.