Dream on...

I dreamt of Kaitlin last night, the girl, the "other woman" as Casey called her. A long emotional traumatic dream. But katlin and I were working together, became friends and then...this is the trauma part, she kissed me and I woke up.

I know what the dream book says it means, nothing scary just that I feel a connection with her, an intimacy. Perhaps that's true. Possibly because now I am letting go and trying to move past and I just feel like I should post a sign warning every girl he comes in contact with that he's a two faced lying jerk who will use you and make you feel like crap with a smile on his face the whole time. I don't know. and she should already know that. But I woke up and went running, all ready to be positive and productive, got back to my house and collapsed into tears on the phone with Danielle.

I hate this process. I hate struggling. I feel like I've struggled my whole life just to see the top of the hole I live in and now I'm pushed back down again and why should I fight anymore? I'm only ever going to live slightly below the top of that hole. arg.