Things you can never say out loud...

I can go through crazy rage
that makes me feel 20 years aged
but a picture of your face will bring me down

I had studied every line,
every curve that would define
and I loved every perfect smile and frown.

and though I hate you by day
I miss you in my way
as I go through the seasons that we used to share

last spring my love was deep
I cherished you in your sleep
A thousand nights I spent keenly aware

echoes of that love
torment me from above
as I go about my day to day alone

I fight an angry beast
that makes my heart it’s feast
how much easier to hate it all away

but at night when I’m alone,
I love the love you’d shown
and the lies blur in my memory so vain.

from the outside looking in
it must seem my brain is dim
you never were the person that I loved

but I wonder now in spite of me
if you were all I knew you’d be
but in the end your darkness eclipsed your light.

it doesn’t change our fates
there is so much now at stake
as I try to find the strength to wake each day.

but regardless of the cost
I remember what I lost
I remember how the sparks burned bright enough to blind