Update

Thank you Stronger and Melanie. I'm so sorry I worried you guys, I vent through my blog. I was/am really upset over this and part of me feels ridiculous for being so hurt. My Dad talked to me about why Eric did this the underlying reasons, and Eric was abused too. And while I understand I told my Dad it didn't matter. It doesn't matter, it doesn't stop until I make it stop. I am tired of people defending abusive behavior just because people have a past. We all have pasts. And I am hurt that my Dad would make excuses for him. But in the end, I am really the one making excuses. I am the one who has to say "this is unacceptable"

I woke up this morning and went for a walk. There is a song by Alanis Morisette that I have been starting my runs with lately called "Not As We" and in the chorus she sings "Day one, day one, start over again" and I play this first thing because I start over every morning, every run is the first run, every day is the first day. I will make I am statements. My ballet teacher in college told me to fake it till I make it and now I am finally applying it:

I am strong.
I am worthwhile.
I am positive.
I am capable.
I am loving.
I am kind.
I am smart.
I am good.
I am changing my families pattern of abuse, at least as far as it pertains to me.

I'll be honest, I don't like referring to it as abuse. I feel like I'm being petty and sensitive. But regardless I want it to end.

Thank you for loving me and letting me write my true unfiltered feelings. Thank you for telling me I'm not worthless. you're words mean a lot.