Revelations
Can I stand behind myself, just this one time?
Can I believe in the step I just took?
Can I please be the lover I've always dreamed I could have?
Love me right or wrong, whatever I have to give?
For this is the journey I have struggled with for so long.
I thought it was abandonment from those around me
but at the end of the day, I have abandoned myself
lending my body to abuse and my mind to torment
believing I deserved it, that I was wretched and unlovable/
I have never respected myself in the way I have wanted to be respected
and I have never calmed myself the way I want to be calmed.
But never again will I leave me in the cold.
I have seen things and I can't go back. At the end of the day I'm the only one I have to sit with, in the silence, in the darkness... and more frightening, in the light. So no matter what I do, how I fail, how I succeed, no matter who leaves me and who stays, I will forgive myself, I will love myself. I'm the only one who can. If I have messed up today, it's okay, because regardless, I will be there for me tomorrow. I promise.
That may seem so basic. But I never realized it until today. I thought, I can never find someone to love me and be gentle and kind. But how do I treat myself? When I am in pain, I push harder. When I mess up, I punish, I criticize and hate myself. When I am sad, I force myself to be happy and when I am sick, I ridicule. I am a hypocrite. I want a gentle, unconditional partner and I don't even treat myself that way. So from today on, I will treat myself the way I want to be treated. Kind of a twist on the golden rule. But how can I give out of a deficit? How can I love out of a need to be loved? I can't, and I haven't been able to. So I will try to fill my holes and be kind and unconditional and gentle. When I am sick, I'll rest and build up my immune system. When I mess up, I will comfort and pick me up again. When I am in pain I will rest and ice and relax. I will not chastise myself for things outside of my control. I will not chastise at all. There is no judgement. In Kundalini today we sang "I am who I am" and I will except myself this way. I am who I am and no one can love me like I can.
Can I believe in the step I just took?
Can I please be the lover I've always dreamed I could have?
Love me right or wrong, whatever I have to give?
For this is the journey I have struggled with for so long.
I thought it was abandonment from those around me
but at the end of the day, I have abandoned myself
lending my body to abuse and my mind to torment
believing I deserved it, that I was wretched and unlovable/
I have never respected myself in the way I have wanted to be respected
and I have never calmed myself the way I want to be calmed.
But never again will I leave me in the cold.
I have seen things and I can't go back. At the end of the day I'm the only one I have to sit with, in the silence, in the darkness... and more frightening, in the light. So no matter what I do, how I fail, how I succeed, no matter who leaves me and who stays, I will forgive myself, I will love myself. I'm the only one who can. If I have messed up today, it's okay, because regardless, I will be there for me tomorrow. I promise.
That may seem so basic. But I never realized it until today. I thought, I can never find someone to love me and be gentle and kind. But how do I treat myself? When I am in pain, I push harder. When I mess up, I punish, I criticize and hate myself. When I am sad, I force myself to be happy and when I am sick, I ridicule. I am a hypocrite. I want a gentle, unconditional partner and I don't even treat myself that way. So from today on, I will treat myself the way I want to be treated. Kind of a twist on the golden rule. But how can I give out of a deficit? How can I love out of a need to be loved? I can't, and I haven't been able to. So I will try to fill my holes and be kind and unconditional and gentle. When I am sick, I'll rest and build up my immune system. When I mess up, I will comfort and pick me up again. When I am in pain I will rest and ice and relax. I will not chastise myself for things outside of my control. I will not chastise at all. There is no judgement. In Kundalini today we sang "I am who I am" and I will except myself this way. I am who I am and no one can love me like I can.
posted by Coco at 10:20 PM
1 Comments:
Love this.
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