Shooting for the moon...
Auditioning for Alvin Ailey tomorrow :) I just want to go and move again...!
I love my life.
Jason said something around the fire pit the other night that really clicked in my head. He said (as Jaye and I were talking about being jealous of our siblings and I in particular feeling like a failure in comparison) he didn't know if the concept of failure was a female thing because he never thought that he might fail or that he did. and it fell into place. Faillure is a concept simply a concept! and I have felt so different ever since.
I got exactly what I wanted from my life so far. There is this faraway, idyllic concept of home and family that I "don't have yet" but I wonder what I would have traded for it. Right now I work full time as an aerialist. I work part time from home (or starbucks as the case may be) I love being in massage therapy school, I'm in better shape then I've ever been, can run 4 miles somewhat comfortably and consistently. I have a steady group of friends, and some really good girlfriends. I go out periodically. I audition for cool stuff. I get opportunities from friends. I always wanted this life, to be young and social and vibrant and unique. to work with my body, my whole body. To live in a cute little bungalow (okay I never articulated a bungalow, but that's just a bonus!) the boys at work treat me like thier sister (their hot sister that they wish wasn't related). I have a boyfriend but nothings set in stone. we do fun things.
I'm set.
This realization that failure is a concept has been so freeing. I haven't failed. I can't fail. Because every day I get up and do my best and that's success. I've never really been left wanting. I've never messed up so badly that it can't be helped. If I don't excell at something or don't enjoy it, I get to move on.
yee haw!
I love my life.
Jason said something around the fire pit the other night that really clicked in my head. He said (as Jaye and I were talking about being jealous of our siblings and I in particular feeling like a failure in comparison) he didn't know if the concept of failure was a female thing because he never thought that he might fail or that he did. and it fell into place. Faillure is a concept simply a concept! and I have felt so different ever since.
I got exactly what I wanted from my life so far. There is this faraway, idyllic concept of home and family that I "don't have yet" but I wonder what I would have traded for it. Right now I work full time as an aerialist. I work part time from home (or starbucks as the case may be) I love being in massage therapy school, I'm in better shape then I've ever been, can run 4 miles somewhat comfortably and consistently. I have a steady group of friends, and some really good girlfriends. I go out periodically. I audition for cool stuff. I get opportunities from friends. I always wanted this life, to be young and social and vibrant and unique. to work with my body, my whole body. To live in a cute little bungalow (okay I never articulated a bungalow, but that's just a bonus!) the boys at work treat me like thier sister (their hot sister that they wish wasn't related). I have a boyfriend but nothings set in stone. we do fun things.
I'm set.
This realization that failure is a concept has been so freeing. I haven't failed. I can't fail. Because every day I get up and do my best and that's success. I've never really been left wanting. I've never messed up so badly that it can't be helped. If I don't excell at something or don't enjoy it, I get to move on.
yee haw!
posted by Coco at 12:00 AM
1 Comments:
YaY! I am so happy for you, glad you had this revelation. I've had similar conversations over the past few years.
For me, I don't see myself as failing at anything because I just reset my path to get where I want to go/achieve my goal and everything that didn't work out is a learning experience.
Sounds like you are in a good place. So happy to hear that. You deserve the best.
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