Blog addict = attention whore
Sometimes I feel bad about putting all my personal business on here. But I really do get a lot from you, my bloggy friends advice and input.
There are (believe it or not!) other things going on in my life besides BOYS
My best friend is leaving for South Africa. She's my family. The person who has known me, really known me longest.
I am actually training and I see the results :) running is hard Hard HARD for me. but I'm actually working up to it. I'm taking full days off to rest and I'm weight training and to an extent I see it in my arms and abs.
My yoga journey is amazing I have to say. I love studying the sutras on Sunday nights.
hmmm... my life seems pretty full. I feel sometimes like I have too much free time and not much meaning but putting it down feels a little better.
One big thing is, it's time for serious career work. It might be time for a change. But it's such a big decision that I keep going back and forth back and forth. and when I feel like I finally decide, I get to work and just love feeling every muscle and sinew come together for our cradle act. I love the way my body feels when I do a show. Or not even that because sometimes its excrutiatingly painful. I think it's the way my mind feels, like I succeeded, I'm strong, I'm part of something. I worry about being ordinary when I have such a pull for the unusual and difficult. But I am tired, TIRED of living on the edge of adulthood... financially mostly. What if I went back to school for nursing (or massage therapy or something that let me work with the body and learn more about it) during the day, stayed at Pirates or Diavalo and then eventually I could have a job that paid me enough money to... buy a car? go on vacations, not struggle to make ends meet constantly. I want to have a savings account. Money isn't everything I KNOW. But I'm starting to feel like I'm getting to old for the ramen track and I don't think it will satisfy me for ever. Maybe i'm not willing to starve and give up on a family for my art. ?? especially when I think I'd have to completely change my life to be able to be involved in the "art" part of it. And I wonder if I could do more artistically if my life didn't depend on it? If I made enough money to do MORE in my field? time and money are a hard balance. to be continued... picking up Melanie!!
There are (believe it or not!) other things going on in my life besides BOYS
My best friend is leaving for South Africa. She's my family. The person who has known me, really known me longest.
I am actually training and I see the results :) running is hard Hard HARD for me. but I'm actually working up to it. I'm taking full days off to rest and I'm weight training and to an extent I see it in my arms and abs.
My yoga journey is amazing I have to say. I love studying the sutras on Sunday nights.
hmmm... my life seems pretty full. I feel sometimes like I have too much free time and not much meaning but putting it down feels a little better.
One big thing is, it's time for serious career work. It might be time for a change. But it's such a big decision that I keep going back and forth back and forth. and when I feel like I finally decide, I get to work and just love feeling every muscle and sinew come together for our cradle act. I love the way my body feels when I do a show. Or not even that because sometimes its excrutiatingly painful. I think it's the way my mind feels, like I succeeded, I'm strong, I'm part of something. I worry about being ordinary when I have such a pull for the unusual and difficult. But I am tired, TIRED of living on the edge of adulthood... financially mostly. What if I went back to school for nursing (or massage therapy or something that let me work with the body and learn more about it) during the day, stayed at Pirates or Diavalo and then eventually I could have a job that paid me enough money to... buy a car? go on vacations, not struggle to make ends meet constantly. I want to have a savings account. Money isn't everything I KNOW. But I'm starting to feel like I'm getting to old for the ramen track and I don't think it will satisfy me for ever. Maybe i'm not willing to starve and give up on a family for my art. ?? especially when I think I'd have to completely change my life to be able to be involved in the "art" part of it. And I wonder if I could do more artistically if my life didn't depend on it? If I made enough money to do MORE in my field? time and money are a hard balance. to be continued... picking up Melanie!!
posted by Coco at 10:49 AM
1 Comments:
Leaving the arts is a very hard decision. But feeling more fiscally sound is an incredible feeling. I know that I had to really reframe the way I think when I stopped working in theatre. Yes, it was hard to give up the creative life and to adjust to corporate America. (Corporate America sucked me soul dry, BTW. I ran screaming from the building swearing 'never again' But when I decide to go back to school and become a professor, it got easier. I still think of myself as an artist, its just that words are now my medium.
I do occasionally miss sewing and costume design but I do not miss not being able to pay my rent with out help from my parents.
Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to share my experience. Good luck, I have faith that you will create the path you are meant to blaze and everything will fall into place. I miss you! XOXO
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