In defense of my own criticism towards my career...

I was talking to Mel and kind of beating on myself for not having the drive to be a performer. If I did I'd hawk myself every chance I get. Everyone knows that's how you make it. I cherry pick auditions. I go to maybe three a year. I know I "should" go to more but there's only a few I want and would actually give up my job to take so I don't bother with the others even though I know that networking is the way to do it. But yesterday at the gym, it hit me...Why can't I cherry pick auditions? I have a performing career. Why is it so bad that I don't want it the same way the people how "made it" did? I'm like Frankie - I did it my way! Maybe I don't want to hustle myself everyday... or at all. I have worked hard for the things I wanted and eventually I got them. I network through the jobs I have gotten and friendships. Why should I look down on myself for that? What if I don't want what everyone else wants? I never wanted to work dinner theater forever. But I have moved forward, slowely, but forward nonetheless. I moved out here and worked temp and office jobs while taking ANYTHING I could that would allow me to keep my office jobs (and therefore pay my bills). I went from dancing at church to dinner theater, belly dancing, teaching, then Knotts, Japan and now I work full time as an aerialist. And I make connections everyday. I have worked this business to fit my dreams not the other way around and honestly, that fact in and of itself makes me proud. I work hard physically. I picked the jobs I wanted and got a few of them. I put emphasis on relationships and experiences. I did it. I'm doing it. who cares if I'm famous or rich - I would like to pay my bills easier, so I'm working on that. But for all intents and purposes there's nothing wrong with the way I did it.