Oh so much
Let me tell you just one thing that I might learn in Singapore, just one of the six million thoughts that seem to pour through my brain everyday ( a blessing and a curse):
I am woman very very insecure about my body. One thing that I, as a woman and, more specifically, as an American woman am conscious about is my physical impact on the world around me. I'm very aware of not touching people as I brush past them, keeping to myself in public places, not making a spectacle. I don't stare at people, I don't stand too close. I am careful not to breathe unnecessarily on others in case my breath is insulting or just less than pleasant.
So, living in Singapore I've been introduced to something rarely mentioned or thought about in Southern California... public transportation. That and walking (not on a treadmill, on a sidewalk. to get to places. not just downtown). The MRT, essentially, the subway, is a daily endeavor. I've really enjoyed knowing I can go anywhere without a car. HOWEVER, every day I am astounded at how many times I'm bumped, jostled, pushed breathed on with offending breath and cut off while walking. I will admit, I'm frustrated by it, often. And I realized, I really, really, don't like being touched in public, by strangers.
A few days ago, standing on the MRT, minding my own business (reading a book even) I felt someone push right up next to me... arm to arm, boob to back. Delight. and when I looked up a man was, unabashedly staring at me. he knew I saw him staring and he was absolutely unashamed and unflagging. With horror I tried to scoot over so at least I wasn't physically connected to the woman next to me, but in all honesty there was another woman connected on my left too.
I will say this, while I am still uncomfortable in my daily routine of being manhandled by strangers I had to take a good hard look at why. I'm a woman who feels uncomfortable in my own skin, embarrassed by the mass and weight of my body. I feel ashamed by how much room I take up and often without realizing it I try to reduce the space I take up in general. Like I'm constantly apologizing for being bigger. Singaporean woman (and men) do not apologize or fuss over how large or small they are. they don't apologize for taking up whatever amount of space they take up. It's like it doesn't even occur to them that being in someone else's airspace or taking up more room then the next person could be something to feel bad about. Wow! I'm working on adopting a bit of their... I don't know, apathy? towards size and space. they aren't hampered by the guilt I feel when the doors can't close because my big ass backpack (and big ass in general) are in the way.
Though I must admit, through all my learning and attempt to accept, embrace and even take on some of the characteristics of this new country, I will never, nor do I want to be comfortable with the wide eyed, slack jawed, staring. I don't like that at all. Imagine me bringing THAT back to the states... it's like asking for a broken nose.
I am woman very very insecure about my body. One thing that I, as a woman and, more specifically, as an American woman am conscious about is my physical impact on the world around me. I'm very aware of not touching people as I brush past them, keeping to myself in public places, not making a spectacle. I don't stare at people, I don't stand too close. I am careful not to breathe unnecessarily on others in case my breath is insulting or just less than pleasant.
So, living in Singapore I've been introduced to something rarely mentioned or thought about in Southern California... public transportation. That and walking (not on a treadmill, on a sidewalk. to get to places. not just downtown). The MRT, essentially, the subway, is a daily endeavor. I've really enjoyed knowing I can go anywhere without a car. HOWEVER, every day I am astounded at how many times I'm bumped, jostled, pushed breathed on with offending breath and cut off while walking. I will admit, I'm frustrated by it, often. And I realized, I really, really, don't like being touched in public, by strangers.
A few days ago, standing on the MRT, minding my own business (reading a book even) I felt someone push right up next to me... arm to arm, boob to back. Delight. and when I looked up a man was, unabashedly staring at me. he knew I saw him staring and he was absolutely unashamed and unflagging. With horror I tried to scoot over so at least I wasn't physically connected to the woman next to me, but in all honesty there was another woman connected on my left too.
I will say this, while I am still uncomfortable in my daily routine of being manhandled by strangers I had to take a good hard look at why. I'm a woman who feels uncomfortable in my own skin, embarrassed by the mass and weight of my body. I feel ashamed by how much room I take up and often without realizing it I try to reduce the space I take up in general. Like I'm constantly apologizing for being bigger. Singaporean woman (and men) do not apologize or fuss over how large or small they are. they don't apologize for taking up whatever amount of space they take up. It's like it doesn't even occur to them that being in someone else's airspace or taking up more room then the next person could be something to feel bad about. Wow! I'm working on adopting a bit of their... I don't know, apathy? towards size and space. they aren't hampered by the guilt I feel when the doors can't close because my big ass backpack (and big ass in general) are in the way.
Though I must admit, through all my learning and attempt to accept, embrace and even take on some of the characteristics of this new country, I will never, nor do I want to be comfortable with the wide eyed, slack jawed, staring. I don't like that at all. Imagine me bringing THAT back to the states... it's like asking for a broken nose.
posted by Coco at 9:54 AM
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