Another Poem

I promise this is not "Crista's bitter art blog". I am a very happy person. I like to write some poetry and most of it is a bit on the emotional side. But I like seeing it in print in front of me, like it's come out of me and onto something solid and it feels better. This poem was prompted by my therapist who encouraged me to write a letter. I had trouble doing that because it seemed so accusatory and downright mean when all she was trying to do was get me to aknowledge how I felt about a past experience, so I had an easier time writing a poem...and here is the fruit of my labor:


I hate myself because of you
and now I hate you too
I walked away from yesterdays
yet they follow regardless of what I do

guilty for my state of mind
shameful of my thoughts
I consider now the waste of time
the high and painful cost

you used me for your purposes
you fed me pretty lies
you led me to conclusions
then praised me for being wise

I listened to your knowledge
I drank up all your wine
I never mistrusted you
I welcomed your disguise

trusting you I turned away
accusations others made
trusting you I gave it all
I waited, I listened, I obeyed

It all seemed so noble
you were goodness, light and truth
I constructed my world around you
was I blinded by my youth?

Now I'm left in torment
I'm wrong, I'm bad, I'm dumb
Who am I now? I wonder
Is it a monster I've become?