Autumn 2006

Here we are at the end of 2006 and I'm in reflection mode and I realize that, separately, a lot of the people around me are preparing for big change. Some of my family members included. My Dad nearly died this weekend finding out that he is diabetic. He is changing his life, sleeping, eating, relationships...doctors orders (thanks all for your prayers). My sister is ending her Alaska / West Caribbean contract and in January will be docking in New York City and doing Eastern Caribbean again. My Mother is finishing up her bacchelors after a looonnng hiatus....ect.

and me. I went for a late night jog last night around Woodbridge lake. I contemplated the beautiful lakeside houses with a slight tinge of jealousy. It's autumn and I envied those tucked safely into thier warm houses with their lights dim, thier candles lit, thier bookshelves full, their lovers tucked next to them and thier dryers tumbling their socks. For as long as I can remember I have wanted a place to go at night where I am home. Where the familiar smell of the couch and the carpet comforts me. but its not an uncomfortable jealousy, perhaps its not even envy at all but more a longing and anticipation for the future. I know I will have a place of my own someday, perhaps not a house, but a place in the world somewhere that I feel home. I laughed at the irony of those houses on my run, here I am looking at them with awe and me about to move again. It's like every two years I uproot and steamroll and start over. I've got the holidays, no set place to live yet but two jobs (the lease is up mid November). I will be continuing at the engineering company instead of nannying and I'll be doing the dinner theater and hopefully fitting in bartending school at somepoint in time. and then in January or February the plan is to move to New York City. That's right, me, wanting the stability and the houses and the candles and the love, I'm moving across the whole country. But it is time and it is good and will be exciting and scary all at the same time. I have been planning and figuring and working out details and I will continue to do so. and what I found is the stability and the candles and the home...they will find me, I won't have to chase them. This last month living by myself, no dancing job, roommate away...well, I'm not going to say I haven't been lonely but I haven't been desolate. Wow, I can be by myself. I have enjoyed coming home and lighting my candles and drinking my coffee and visiting others but coming home to my thoughts and prayers. It's different and it took adjustment but it's good. Life is good. and I know as I've always learned that life is good wherever I go and whoever I'm with and my friends will be my friends no matter where I am.

So here I go. I have a lot to do before the new year, I have debts to work off and pay off and a sublet to find (and a shape to whip myself into) and .... but what'll work out will work out and I'm looking forward to the holiday season with friends and family before I start off into the next part of life.