Let me ask you...
I got this job offer to be a choreographer for Club Med and they will train me in circus for free while I am there. Six months in Port St. Lucie choreographing thier night shows and spending my days in the sun learning trapeeze, silks, spanish web and tight rope! I won't get paid much, but I won't have any expenses while I'm there so I will strictly be paying down my car and my school loans.
My first response was to burst into tears and I need to vent to you my loving blog family. Here is a letter I sent to my sister...I need to get it out. I am sad...boyfriend sad and I feel pathetic about it, but it's reality. Here it is:
My boyfriend told me if I left he would dump me a couple months ago...
then I got this job offer, told him I was going and burst into tears...
he said he was so happy for me and to go and "why are you crying"
He finds it so easy for me to leave
but agreed to "give it a shot, but I'm bad at long distance"
yesterday he told me he thought of asking a girl for her number...he said he saw nothing wrong with a guy in a relationship asking a girl for her number or looking someone up and down. He grabbed a girls boob in front of me and when I said "you just grabbed tori in front of me" he said "no I didn't...she was wearing underwire I felt it. does it bother you?" ugh.
so, we have had many conversations. after them I feel better...and then I wake up the next morning and I wonder why he keeps insisting that he loves me and this is the best relationship he has ever been in...and I feel like shit. Someone confronted him yesterday and said "hey, you don't seem upset she's leaving which means either you've already checked out of the relationship or you're upset and trying not to show it becuase you want her to do whats best for her" So he was telling me this and he figured since is first response was not "no" that he might be checking out...but he loves being with me and talking with me and isn't that what makes a relationship good? I had it, April, I said "look, whether I stay or go we should break up if you're checked out...becuase I am all in and this is hurtful to me, I am hurt. You are looking for other girls while I am still here for gods sake! how is that supposed to make me feel?" He said no no, if he was looking he would have gotten her number AND called her. he finally got upset and grabbed my hands and said "Crista, I love you and I want you. I don't want you to stay for me, but, I do, stay with me. You'll get training there but they'll pay you dick...I won't sleep for six months while you're gone" I turned away, how do I believe him? I try, I really do because I love him so much. I told him, I am so tired of not being worth it to the people I date. I give you everything I am and I'm not worth it to you. You fought for Jill and she was sleeping with other people and me, you'll let me get on a plane and leave and you don't give a shit. why?
He said, if you leave I'll want to see you when you get back. I said whether we break up now or while I'm in florida, I don't think I'll want to see you again. That really hurt him. He said "I didn't realize you would leave me? why would you leave me? you wouldn't want to see me again?" I was very suprised by this..I said "you're unwillingness to try be with me makes me feel that you don't love me. And you are dumping me, you are leaving me, that hurts me, how could I believe you loved me when I came back? you stopped wanting me when I stopped being convenient for you" he was nearly in tears he said "i never thought you wouldn't see me again. I thought you'd go and if you met someone and wanted to make out or even sleep with them you would and me too and then when you got back I'd want to hang out and see if something was still there". When he said it it made sense. We wrapped up the night agreeing that we liked "us" and loved each other. He said "I love who you are Crista. I love you" but when I woke up this morning I just felt horrible...as I have for the past couple mornings. He loves me? how? he loves me while he's asking someone for her number? He said it's different for guys and girls. I said I am hit on all the time and I always let people know I am in a relationship. He said yeah but it's the guys doing the hitting. I am to assume from that that he hits on girls...he said yes he's flirty in nature and he hits on people too. I told him Amy said I should find someone who cares for me. That hurt him. He said he cares for me more than anyone else.
am I over sensitive? or does he not love me?
My first response was to burst into tears and I need to vent to you my loving blog family. Here is a letter I sent to my sister...I need to get it out. I am sad...boyfriend sad and I feel pathetic about it, but it's reality. Here it is:
My boyfriend told me if I left he would dump me a couple months ago...
then I got this job offer, told him I was going and burst into tears...
he said he was so happy for me and to go and "why are you crying"
He finds it so easy for me to leave
but agreed to "give it a shot, but I'm bad at long distance"
yesterday he told me he thought of asking a girl for her number...he said he saw nothing wrong with a guy in a relationship asking a girl for her number or looking someone up and down. He grabbed a girls boob in front of me and when I said "you just grabbed tori in front of me" he said "no I didn't...she was wearing underwire I felt it. does it bother you?" ugh.
so, we have had many conversations. after them I feel better...and then I wake up the next morning and I wonder why he keeps insisting that he loves me and this is the best relationship he has ever been in...and I feel like shit. Someone confronted him yesterday and said "hey, you don't seem upset she's leaving which means either you've already checked out of the relationship or you're upset and trying not to show it becuase you want her to do whats best for her" So he was telling me this and he figured since is first response was not "no" that he might be checking out...but he loves being with me and talking with me and isn't that what makes a relationship good? I had it, April, I said "look, whether I stay or go we should break up if you're checked out...becuase I am all in and this is hurtful to me, I am hurt. You are looking for other girls while I am still here for gods sake! how is that supposed to make me feel?" He said no no, if he was looking he would have gotten her number AND called her. he finally got upset and grabbed my hands and said "Crista, I love you and I want you. I don't want you to stay for me, but, I do, stay with me. You'll get training there but they'll pay you dick...I won't sleep for six months while you're gone" I turned away, how do I believe him? I try, I really do because I love him so much. I told him, I am so tired of not being worth it to the people I date. I give you everything I am and I'm not worth it to you. You fought for Jill and she was sleeping with other people and me, you'll let me get on a plane and leave and you don't give a shit. why?
He said, if you leave I'll want to see you when you get back. I said whether we break up now or while I'm in florida, I don't think I'll want to see you again. That really hurt him. He said "I didn't realize you would leave me? why would you leave me? you wouldn't want to see me again?" I was very suprised by this..I said "you're unwillingness to try be with me makes me feel that you don't love me. And you are dumping me, you are leaving me, that hurts me, how could I believe you loved me when I came back? you stopped wanting me when I stopped being convenient for you" he was nearly in tears he said "i never thought you wouldn't see me again. I thought you'd go and if you met someone and wanted to make out or even sleep with them you would and me too and then when you got back I'd want to hang out and see if something was still there". When he said it it made sense. We wrapped up the night agreeing that we liked "us" and loved each other. He said "I love who you are Crista. I love you" but when I woke up this morning I just felt horrible...as I have for the past couple mornings. He loves me? how? he loves me while he's asking someone for her number? He said it's different for guys and girls. I said I am hit on all the time and I always let people know I am in a relationship. He said yeah but it's the guys doing the hitting. I am to assume from that that he hits on girls...he said yes he's flirty in nature and he hits on people too. I told him Amy said I should find someone who cares for me. That hurt him. He said he cares for me more than anyone else.
am I over sensitive? or does he not love me?
posted by Coco at 12:55 PM
4 Comments:
It is not okay what he is doing no matter how he tries to justify it. Run, do not walk to Port St. Lucie and don't look back. You know the answer- it's staring you in the face. I love ya!
On no, girlfriend... oh no he didn't.
My response to this is too long to post, my number:
805-501-3693
He does not love you. He's "in love" with what you have to offer when he's with you.
A guy who loves a girl has his head & heart so full of her that there's no room for asking for another's number.
Post a Comment
<< Home