"If you can't be a good example...

be a horrible warning" so says the magnet my sister gave to me from Victoria BC. Thus she has accurately portrayed my life. I am not unhappy with myself or my mental state...I am actually quite content and peaceful in my heart from day to day. But if you put me on paper right now, well, you might think I was wreck. If you put my whole existance on paper you might discover that I am a building snowball rolling down hill.

My roommates boyfriend physically assaulted my boyfriend (yes, the one who cheated on me and then realized he loved me and now we are working on it - Ben, for safety purposes). We will call the attacker OJ for safety's sake. OJ grabbed Ben by the neck while he was sitting down and swung back to strike when a coworker Jon walked in and instinctively grabbed OJ's backswung arm pulling him off balance. OJ's hand hit Ben's face as he fell backward and then OJ left the area and went back to work. OJ left another country a wanted criminal (financial debt) and a history of violence. OJ scares me. My roommate hates me and Ben now and wants him never to be at our apt. I want Ben never to go home. That is because OJ is Ben's roommate (do you feel like you are watching "The Hills" yet?). Ugh. OJ and his girl asked Ben (well they asked him through me) not to go to the police as OJ wouldn't get his greencard and might be deported. Ben and I went to the police and filed an assault and battery charge...Ben deliberated several hours be we felt it was the best decision. There are two written witness testimonies from work. OJ says that Ben wanted to be hit because he argued with OJ and he should have known that by arguing OJ would have to hurt him. He says he never meant to hit him that he was just trying to scare him and Ben should know that he is safe with OJ. Ben apologized to my roomie and said he wouldn't stay over until she felt more comfortable but I said that's rediculous! I pay rent too and this whole argument is because my roommate doesn't want me to have a parking spot at my complex and she wants control of both, so Ben stood up for me to my roomie and then at work the next day he and OJ were arguing about it. If I have no parking space and my boyfriend can't be there...what next? do I not get to use the bathroom? Besides where shall Ben go? He can't go home and I am scared of OJ's repurcussions. My roommate and I work together...she has had Ben banned from coming to see me before the show in the dressing room and she will not talk to me so I get ready early and stay out of the dressing room.

I love my life. I finally feel peaceful at the end of the day and I don't know how. This year everything has fallen apart (except for my career) -
my car
my health
my relationship
my home environment.....what do I have left?
work I guess and it's a good thing I like to work! I also have good friends. and I do, deeply love my boyfriend-through it all, I believe we are both growing up. I am not on the street, I have for a time a semi-stable financial situation. and I have a life of learning, of passion, of experiences. Perhaps this is why I am content.