Boy Crazy
Well it seems all my posts are about boys. I totally skipped the boy crazy phases in highschool and college so is this my late blooming phase?
Shane.
Okay, I told you he was uber nervous and thats all he could talk about. Not wanting to mess this up and really liking me. I told him I was just gonna hang out and see what happened.
He was visiting a friend in LB last night so I said he could come over after before going home. He came over, talked and we made out. That's right, made out with Shane. He looked in my eyes and said "you're mine now. I hope you know that. You think I'm kidding but I'm not. You will be my girlfriend". Wait, what?? I said "no Shane, I'm not yours. I'm not your girlfriend" Shane - "but don't you feel it? You will be. Whats wrong? are you just scared? I won't hurt you I promise. You're mine, I care about you more than anything and you know me better than anyone else". Okay, I started shaking here. "Shane I like you and I like hanging out with you and kissing you but I'm not your girlfriend. I don't know you. You don't know me. Yes I'm scared" which of course he can tell because I am literally shaking like a leaf. Long story short we kissed and talked but I told him in no uncertain terms that I had made no promise to be his girlfriend. ACHK! I told him the truth, I have been single for three weeks, I broke up with someone I was in love with, I don't know him (Shane) very well and all I agree to is to go out Sunday. He asked "and after that?, you'll be mine". No and after that "we'll see after Sunday Shane". Now I'm scared and I feel bad. That's not what I wanted.
and on top of all that I am getting messages from a friend telling me that Casey is posting blogs about me and you know, I wish he'd leave some scrap of good memory for me. My whole first experience with love+intimacy is now so screwed up. I woke up this morning and couldn't get myself up and out of bed. I'm not depressed, I'm fully functioning and I can enjoy things...but often I am overcome with a wave of not completely explainable sadness. And I just want to lie by myself and feel the weight just press down on me. so I do. but it doesn't really subside.
Shane.
Okay, I told you he was uber nervous and thats all he could talk about. Not wanting to mess this up and really liking me. I told him I was just gonna hang out and see what happened.
He was visiting a friend in LB last night so I said he could come over after before going home. He came over, talked and we made out. That's right, made out with Shane. He looked in my eyes and said "you're mine now. I hope you know that. You think I'm kidding but I'm not. You will be my girlfriend". Wait, what?? I said "no Shane, I'm not yours. I'm not your girlfriend" Shane - "but don't you feel it? You will be. Whats wrong? are you just scared? I won't hurt you I promise. You're mine, I care about you more than anything and you know me better than anyone else". Okay, I started shaking here. "Shane I like you and I like hanging out with you and kissing you but I'm not your girlfriend. I don't know you. You don't know me. Yes I'm scared" which of course he can tell because I am literally shaking like a leaf. Long story short we kissed and talked but I told him in no uncertain terms that I had made no promise to be his girlfriend. ACHK! I told him the truth, I have been single for three weeks, I broke up with someone I was in love with, I don't know him (Shane) very well and all I agree to is to go out Sunday. He asked "and after that?, you'll be mine". No and after that "we'll see after Sunday Shane". Now I'm scared and I feel bad. That's not what I wanted.
and on top of all that I am getting messages from a friend telling me that Casey is posting blogs about me and you know, I wish he'd leave some scrap of good memory for me. My whole first experience with love+intimacy is now so screwed up. I woke up this morning and couldn't get myself up and out of bed. I'm not depressed, I'm fully functioning and I can enjoy things...but often I am overcome with a wave of not completely explainable sadness. And I just want to lie by myself and feel the weight just press down on me. so I do. but it doesn't really subside.
posted by Coco at 2:25 PM
1 Comments:
Hello!
I am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs, and I'd like to request permission to use a photograph you have posted in this book. Please contact me at mattvid07@gmail.com, and I'd be happy to give you more information about the project. Please paste a link to your blog in the subject field. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Matt
Post a Comment
<< Home