This Day

My little brother called me this morning and... apologized. My jaw dropped as he explained "I'm really sorry I talked to you like I did. I know it hurt your feelings and I'm sorry. You know I love you and I didn't want to hurt your feelings." I said I had thought I knew he loved me and didn't want to hurt me and that's why I was hurt. I started to cry. He didn't defend himself, which is a first. He just apologized again and said he wouldn't do it anymore. I asked if he was calling because Dad asked him to. He laughed for the first time and said "do you know me at all? I don't do anything just because someone wants me to! No, Dad didn't mention anything to me. I just thought these past few days you would know I was sorry but that's dumb, of course you don't just know. I need to tell you and I hope you'll hang out with the family tonight and I can show you."

Setting boundaries and respecting myself led my brother to respect me to, this time. It's a step. And he didn't try to embarass me because I was crying.

It's encouraging on many levels. It might seem small but while my Dad wants to coddle and enable Eric because he had a rough childhood, I expect him, not to pretend he wasn't abused, but to not continue the abuse himself. I know he can be different and if not, he can't abuse me. Anymore.

On an entirely vulnerable note, the fact that my brother can apologize and recognize what happened and come to me and tell me that he's sorry and he loves me gives me a glimmer of hope that He'll be okay one day. And, that I will be okay, that I can be loved, that men will not trample me my whole life. I know that its a long road and I have to continue to demand proper treatment. But there's hope and today there's respect, I am a human again. And Eric can be open and considerate. Today we're okay. Today.