Love

So as you can probably tell from my past post's I have been in a dark place lately. For one, I'm a bit hormonal. I don't have much of a period, but I still have quite a "moon cycle" as they call it in my kundalini classes. pretty much that means my "feel good" hormones dip horribly and I cry a lot. a lot a lot. But, as I like to say, hormones don't create feelings they just intensify the reaction to them. I feel like I am crying oceans, complete with waves and salt.. and even an undertow.

I've thought about my last post all night. and as I sit here with my bottle of wine, addressing wedding shower invitations for my sister and watching "rachel getting married", I know that I will always go up and down on these questions about love and relationship and marriage. But at the end of the day, I know that I cultivate love everyday and that is the best I can do. I try to love people in my life, encourage others in love and try hard, very hard to fight for that bright light of love that resides within me, god knows why, but its there. and no matter how many times I say I give up, I never ever do. So right now I'm cultivating love for my sister. and when you create love you are not without it. I hope that is true. for here I sit alone, and yet I still want love. Should I keep believing I will have it? or should I believe that whatever love is, I do have it, I create it and it resides in me.