Dreams Redux, Redux, Redux

I dreamt of you again last night and it held that common thread of your leaving me and me feeling disappointed and missing you. I've never dreamt of a past lover so consistently before. You're haunting me. In every dream you have been laughing, violent, patronizing and I humiliated, devastated, betrayed.

But last night for the first time I dreamt of you and you didn't laugh at me, you didn't humiliated me. You still left me. You told me you couldn't and I didn't understand why. But you held me first, you tried to comfort me in your leaving. You did not break me down in front of everyone as you had before, you didn't sleep with, marry, choose other women in front of my face in this dream.

This dream was different. It was more sad because I knew you cared for me but not enough to stay and I knew I cared for you enough to follow you to the ends of the earth. So this dream, I believe, was the truest. and as much as I can get over you, apparently my sub-conscious cannot yet and I still ache for you in my dreams. and when I wake up I ask God why, why with how short our relationship was, why with how quick and easy you left me, why he brings you up into the forefront of my brain over and over and over again when I am trying to live without you and you have forgotten me. I am thousands of miles away. and still you're here with me. I have moved on from longer, more committed relationships in half this time. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? you've probably slept and dated your way through half the state by now and I can't stop having dreams about you....